I am so excited! I just printed out my application for the One Stop Shopping Night Craft and Etc. Sale in November. I also just put in an order for some brand new jewelry making stuff at TWO different places. I can't wait to get it in the mail so I can start working on my new jewelry collection. This one is going to be called "Mothers With Heart". It is dedicated to all the women out there who have been diagnosed with Peripartum/Postpartum Cardiomyopathy~My Heart Sisters. :) It is a reminder of what we have gone through and what we go through every day. I hope it will help bring more awareness to women (pregnant or not) who are of childbearing age of the dangers of this condition. I will be the first person (I have searched and Googled and have come up with nobody thus far) to make beautiful jewelry to bring awareness to this illness. It makes me feel good that I know first hand what other women are going through and that I may be able to help them to deal with PPCM in some way by providing awareness jewelry for them. I am absolutely geeked to be the one who starts the trend and I hope that I am not the last.
We don't have an official awareness color yet, but some of the ladies who were first diagnosed have used Mint Green as their color of choice since it is not currently being used for anything else. I plan on using mint green beads, green crystals, with silver awareness ribbon charms or beads, silver spacer beads, and a single red bead to signify our heart. I plan on making a few different versions and I am beyond excited to start playing around with patterns. :)
Stay tuned for more information and for pictures of my new creations!
I believe that God will only give me what I can handle and no more. I think that I have handled all that He has given me, the best I can. I am sticking to my nutritional guidelines. (I have had enough of writing down every little thing that I put in my mouth!) I am attempting to exercise. (Its kind of hard with a newborn, but we're trying to get the hang of the Moby wrap.) All the while, I'm trying my hardest to be a great mom. I am just 6 weeks post-partum, so I would have to say that I am doing quite well under the circumstances. Evan and I are trying to get ourselves into a daily routine. I tend to mess it up sometimes when I pick him up while he's sleeping. I just I feel the need to be close to him. I still can't believe that God allows us to make such amazing creatures, and he even let me keep just the perfect one for our family. It has definitely been an emotional roller coaster for us, to say the least, but I just keep smiling and try to be a good wife and mom.
I am ever so grateful for all that I have. I have a beautiful baby boy who already has the most gentle soul. I have an amazing husband who is willing to do anything for his family. I have a loving and caring family who I wouldn't trade for the world. Even though I have all of this, I still find myself somewhat resentful. I get angry that so many women out there can have all the babies they want, yet they take it and their children for granted. So many women don't enjoy the time they spend growing their child within their womb. I miss that part the most I think. The ability to feed and grow another human life, knowing that you are the sole provider for all of their needs and that you are their ultimate protector. I cried when I came home from the hospital and had to put away all of my maternity clothes, some of which were almost brand new. I had lost so much weight that I was able to fit into my pre-pregnancy clothes already. I weigh less now than I did BEFORE I got pregnant with Evan. Aaron tried to help by saying how much fun it would be to go shopping and get new clothes for myself now that I was smaller. For a lot of women, they can't wait to get their old shape back. For me, I wish I was still big and fat with a post-baby belly. I put my favorite outfits into a container and put them in storage along with my hopes and dreams of ever being able to wear them again. I didn't really think much of it after that. I was trying to get on with my life. I was happy being a mommy and I was busy doing mommy and Evan things.
I had a bittersweet moment earlier today though while I was putting away Evan's clean clothes. I realized that some of them were NOT going to fit him anymore. We were worried at his last Dr. appointment that he wasn't quite growing enough. We really shouldn't have been worried. I had no idea how fast he would grow. He has gained 2 pounds since his 1 month check-up, and is now in size 1 diapers. We are so happy that he is growing and doing well. He has outgrown most of his newborn clothes. A lot of them were in the wash when we had to switch to the 0-3 month clothes. As I was setting them aside from the rest of the clothes, I stopped for a minute and imagined Evan wearing them just a short week before. I remembered having to go out and buy newborn stuff when he was born because he was just too small for all of the things we had for him to wear. He was so itty bitty. His tiny little hands and feet. His skinny little arms and legs. I had a hot flash, and a wave of nausea rolled over me. I literally felt sick to my stomach. It had finally hit me...I'm not going to be pregnant again. I won't be able to feel the most amazing feeling of kicking and moving inside of me. I won't feel the joy of bringing another life into this world. I had wanted so badly to have a big family and I had such an amazing birth experience with Evan. The thought NEVER occurred to me that it might just be the three of us. I felt cheated. I cried. I cried hard and held Evan close so I could smell him and lavish him with kisses. And then I cried some more. I will probably continue crying every time Evan outgrows another batch of clothes, or when he starts to crawl, or walk or do anything for the first time. I guess it is all just part of the healing process for me.
I AM grateful. No, I am more than grateful. I am beyond blessed that God has given me the greatest gift He could possibly give someone. He has bestowed upon me, the gift of Motherhood. I couldn't have asked for anything more special than the honor of raising a child. I have the opportunity to share my love with another human being in a way that I never thought was possible. I have the privilege to share with Evan all the wonders of the world and so much more. I can only hope that someday I will be well enough to share my love with another child. If that doesn't happen, I will still cherish every single moment that I am able spend with Evan, for the rest of my life.
I felt so alone. I needed to be with my husband and I needed to be with my baby. I just wanted to go home. I was uncomfortable and afraid. I was on so much nitroglycerin that I got migraines. I have never had one before, and hope to never have one again. They had to gave me morphine to relieve the pain. I slept for a few hours at a time, but as soon as I woke up, the migraines returned. They would give me more morphine and I would go back to sleep. I had to get my blood drawn 2-3 times a day, even when I was sleeping. I was still on oxygen and I was getting my blood pressure checked every 15 minutes. It was still fairly high, so they couldn't take me off any of the medication or IVs. I had a lot of visitors. My Aunts and Uncle drove through the night and into the wee hours of the morning to come see me and Evan. It was so nice of them to want to be there for us, and for the rest of my family too.
I felt like the main attraction in a circus. There were tons of new doctors coming in to see me all the time, OBs, General Docs, Interns, and Cardiologists. Everyone asked the same questions. They all wanted to listen to my heart and my lungs. Not one of them came to see me more than once. It was just annoying. I was tired of being hooked up to machines. I felt like they a pincushion. I was bored and exhausted and just wanted to go home and be a new family with Aaron and Evan. After my blood pressure had gone down a little, and I wasn't on as much nitroglycerin, I was finally able to get out of my bed and sit in a chair. Then a new Cardiologist, Dr. Yoo, came in and explained what needed to happen in order for me to be healthy enough to go home. I was NOT prepared for what came out of his mouth. He told me that I would NOT be able to breastfeed Evan when I went home because I would be on medication for a long time, I started to cry. He then proceeded to tell me that I shouldn't have any more children because I would have a relapse and it would probably kill me. I was crushed. I hadn't even had a chance to enjoy being a new mom to Evan and do the things I had planned because I was stuck in the hospital. They were telling me that I wouldn't EVER have the chance to do those things. I felt like my whole world was falling apart. Dr. Yoo said that it was extremely important not to put any extra stress on my heart and that my blood pressure needed to go down before we could even think about going home. How in the hell is my blood pressure supposed to go down when they deliver such awful news?!?! I cried for hours and I REALLY wanted to go home and hold Evan and squeeze him and kiss him and love him as much as I could. Aaron was really upset. He was told the day before and had requested that HE be the one to break the news to me, gently, at a later time.
On Friday, Evan was discharged. He was being well taken care of at my mom and dad's house with all of the Aunties and Uncles there. I was sad that I couldn't be with him, but I knew that I needed to stay at the hospital so I could get well so I would be able to take care of him.
When my blood pressure started to go down, they lowered the nitroglycerin and my headaches finally went away. At one point, my blood pressure got so low that I almost passed out. I found out later that they kind of expected it because they had to try and figure out how much medication it would take to lower it. Well, I found out the hard way. It happened 2 more times before they finally adjusted it to where it needed to be.
On Saturday, I was moved to the Cardiac Care Unit. I was still on IVs and oxygen, but I didn't have the blood pressure cuff or the monitor anymore. I was able to get up and walk around and sit in a chair. It was nice. I was still sad that I had to be there and miss out on many of Evan's firsts. Aaron stayed the night with me and I was so glad that I cried. I had felt so alone, even with all of the visitors. On Sunday, Aaron went to stay with my mom and dad so he could be with Evan. I was all alone again, and cried some more, but I had a surprise coming and I was very excited.
On Monday, Aaron brought Evan to see me. I was so happy I cried...again. I hadn't seen him in a few days and he looked like a whole new baby. He wasn't yellow anymore, but that wasn't what was different. He was growing and changing and I felt like I was missing it. I was angry that I couldn't leave. I was however very grateful that the nurses had pushed for me to have a private room so I could spend as much time with Evan as I wanted. :)
I was so glad that I was able to spend time with Evan, but I think that being away from him made me appreciate him more. Not being with him made me realize how much of a blessing he is. I don't take anything he does for granted. I am so glad that I have the opportunity to be his mommy.
Evan was due to be born on April 9th but he had decided to arrive a bit early.On Friday March 25th I began my day like any other.I went to work (I was a Preschool Teacher) and had a great day.I was excited because I only had a week left of work and then I would enjoy my time at home relaxing before Evan came into the world.I noticed halfway through the day that the back ache I had been experiencing since the day before began to get more painful.I have a fairly high pain tolerance and didn’t pay too much attention to it.By it was time for me to go home.I ate dinner and talked to a few people on the phone.By the pain was getting stronger but I continued to ignore it and my husband and I settled in and started to watch a movie.We didn’t get very far into the movie because the pain was so bad I couldn’t get comfortable.It hurt to sit or lay or even stand.
I decided to call the Midwives to see what I should do.Shelie called us back and said to take some Tylenol and try to get some sleep.She really thought I was just having a back ache since my water hadn’t broken and I wasn’t having any contractions. (I thought I wasn’t but couldn’t tell because of the pain in my back.) I took a shower and tried to get as comfortable as possible.By my back was in so much pain, it was unbearable.We called the answering service again.When Shelie called us back I told her that it felt like I needed to push but my bag of waters were still in tact and I was only having mild contractions.She told us to start getting ready and head over to the BirthCenter.
It took us 35 minutes to get there.We arrived at Saturday, March 26th.Shelie was waiting for us and getting the tub all ready for me.She asked if it was ok to check to see if I was dilating since my water hadn’t broken. I was ok with that since I thought it might help explain my back pain.She couldn’t believe it when she saw that I was fully dilated, because “most women who are that dilated don’t just walk around smiling” like I was.I was just as shocked as she was but I finally had a reason for my back pain.I had probably been in labor all day and didn’t even know it.We began to settle in and I tried to rest in bed for a little while.Then I decided to hop in the tub.
My husband and I decided to call my mom to join us for the delivery because I thought it was getting too close and she was 45 minutes away.My younger sister, Andrea, was supposed to be a support person during the labor and delivery.She attended all of the birth classes with my husband and I.She was so excited to share in our experience.Unfortunately, she won a week-long trip to Jamaica.She told Evan that she would be back soon and to sit tight until she returned.She was due back Sunday.Well, Evan decided that it was time to make his grand entrance whether his Auntie was there or not.M y mom arrived with snacks and a smile and was so glad to share our special journey with us.It was nice to have her there to hold me and keep me cool with a cold wet washcloth.Clarice arrived shortly after.
At my water broke and I began pushing.I can honestly say that the most painful part of labor was the pain in my back.I had no tearing and the contractions were not painful at all.
At , after a fairly short amount of pushing, our little bundle of love, Evan Kyle, was born.He was beautiful and perfect in every way. I was in shock and awe at how fast it progressed and was left with a feeling of “what just happened?”
We held each other and waited for my husband to cut the cord.When it was time Shelie and Clarice helped me into some dry pajamas and into bed to nurse Evan.We laid and rested together in the cozy queen size bed as a new family.I drank some tea, had a snack and even took a nap.
That's my Daddy!
Hello Grandma!
After we rested, Evan and I were able to take an AMAZING herbal healing bath together, even though I didn’t have any tearing.It was quite an experience.
We rested in bed some more and then Evan was weighed and measured by Shelie with a really cool scale.He was 6 pounds 13 ounces and 19 ½ inches long.
When we were feeling well enough, it was time to go home.It was an absolutely miraculous experience and I couldn’t have asked for a more peaceful labor and delivery.Thank you to Clarice, Shelie, Audra and everyone else at the GreenhouseBirthCenter for helping to make a wonderful memory that our family won’t ever forget!
My husband Aaron and I decided when we got pregnant that we wanted to have our baby naturally, with no medication of any kind. We also wanted to have our baby in a caring, comfortable environment, that would allow me to labor and deliver the way women were made to. I didn't want to be hooked up to machines in a hospital where I would be restricted to a bed and not allowed to move around. We chose to have our little one at The Greenhouse Birth Center in Okemos, Michigan. We are so glad that we did. Here is our story...
We began visiting the Midwives at the birth center in September. From our very first appointment, I knew that we were going to get the best care possible. We were 12 weeks along and due April 9th 2011. We saw them every 4 weeks until we were 32 weeks along. Then we went every 2 weeks and finally every week until our due date. We had a wonderful experience with all 3 of the midwives and I really feel like they became part of our family. We found out the week of Thanksgiving that we were having a boy and immediately began tossing around names. With the help of our niece Madison, we decided on Evan.
In February we began going to birthing classes. My sister Andrea went with us in hopes of assisting us in the birth. She was so supportive of our decisions. We had a blast at each of the classes and really learned a lot. Andrea took notes like crazy and I think at the end, she was more prepared for our labor and delivery than we were. :)
We found out at our 32 week appointment that Evan was breech. Since we really wanted to have him at the birth center, we talked about options to fix the situation. I went to a chiropractor to assist in Evan turning around. Aaron and I also went swimming to help. We had another ultrasound at 35 weeks and found out that our efforts paid off. Evan was in the right position! Yay!
I LOVED being pregnant. Aaron read to my belly from the beginning and still reads to Evan when he can. I only gained 20 pounds and felt great the whole time. I had no nausea, vomiting, cravings, swelling, aches or pains. I had a bit of heartburn, but was able to make it go away with the help of some papaya enzymes. :) All in all, I would say that I had an almost perfect pregnancy.
As we anticipated the birth of our son, we decided that I would stay at home with Evan and not go back to work unless I absolutely had to. I was bringing stuff home from work almost every day and organizing like crazy. We also ended up moving at the beginning of March which was not so much fun. But, in the end, Evan had his own room, and we had a nice new space to bring him home to. The rest of my pregnancy went by quick and was really uneventful.
