It's been a while...

     It has been a while since I posted anything, so I decided I should try while Evan is content at the moment.  To fill you all in on the goings on lately, I will start with the beginning of May.  Evan had his very first sleepover (on purpose) with my mom and dad so Aaron and I could get a good nights sleep.  It was weird.  I missed Evan, but knew that I needed the sleep.  I had my very first Mother's Day.  It was nice.  Aaron and I stayed at home for dinner, it is just easier for me to cook because of my special diet.  We watched some movies and I think I even went to bed early. :) 
     I am still doing well with my diet, fluid restriction and remembering to take my medications.  My blood pressure is where it should be, and I am maintaining my weight.  I really have been doing well, but the other day something happened. All of a sudden I didn't feel right.  I got a little light headed and dizzy, so I took my nighttime medication since it was time, and I checked my blood pressure.  It was elevated and so was my pulse. I sat down and tried to focus my breathing hoping it would help.  I was scared. I thought I was having a relapse.  I called the cardiologist who was on-call and he said it wouldn't be a bad idea to go to the ER and get checked out.  It is amazing how fast you get seen in the ER when you have a heart condition.  We waited 2 minutes at the most and the waiting room was PACKED.  After tests and chest x-rays, and blood-work, and seeing a few doctors, I was released.  It was deduced that I was having a bit of an anxiety attack.  They gave me some Ativan and sent me home.  I don't know if it worked that night, because by the time we got home, it was 3 am, so I slept like a baby regardless of what they gave me.  Plus, my mom and dad too Evan home with them for the night so he didn't have to stay in the hospital with us. I was given a small Rx for Ativan, but I can only take it at bedtime since it makes me sleepy.  I have an appointment with my regular Doctor tomorrow afternoon to follow up.  I am hoping she gives me something that I can take for this anxiety that won't hinder my ability to function and be a mom.  We'll see how it goes. :)

I have what?!

     After a few hours of being poked and prodded, the cardiologist came in and explained what was going on and what they needed to do.  I was finally told what was wrong with me.  I was in congestive heart failure due to Postpartum Cardiomyopathy.  My lungs were completely filled with fluid because my heart was so weak it couldn't pump properly.  It was causing the extra fluid in my body to build up around my heart and get backed up into my lungs.  That was why I couldn't breathe when I laid down and why my blood pressure was so high. 

"Postpartum Cardiomyopathy (PPCM) is a form of dilated cardiomyopathy that is defined as deterioration in cardiac function, presenting typically between the last month of pregnancy and up to five months postpartum.  As with other forms of dilated cardiomyopathy,  PPCM involves systolic dysfunction of the heart with a decrease of the left ventricular ejection fraction (EF) with associated congestive heart failure and an increased risk of atrial and ventricular arrhythmia, thromboembolic events (blockage of a blood vessel by a blood clot), and even sudden cardiac death.  In essence, the heart is weakened and does not pump sufficiently for the needs of the body.

     PPCM is a diagnosis of exclusion, wherein patients have no prior history of heart disease and there are no other known possible causes of heart failure.  Echo cardiogram is used to both diagnose and monitor the effectiveness of treatment for PPCM."

 I was told that I couldn't breastfeed Evan because the medications I needed would leach into the milk and make him sick.  I was sad, but they said that I could pump and dump so that when I went home and was off the medication, I would be able to breastfeed again.  My mom figured that the breast milk I had pumped earlier wouldn't last too long, so she had already taken care of getting some formula so Evan could eat.  He was already getting used to it by the time he was admitted for his jaundice, so I wasn't too worried.   They administered an obscene amount of nitroglycerin to try and lower my blood pressure and a blood thinner so my already weak heart didn't have to work so hard to pump my blood.  I was also put on a diuretic to get rid of the extra fluid in my body.  I was still on oxygen, but was finally able to be put on the nose hose instead of the C-pap. Yay!  After a few hours, they moved me to the Intensive Care Unit which I would learn to call home for the next few days...

What's happening to me?!

     By Thursday, I was still short of breath but was finally able to catch a cat-nap once in a while.  The inhaler wasn't helping at all, all it did was make me jittery.  I still had a wheeze that kept me from sleeping, and I still felt like if I laid down that I would stop breathing and die.  My sister Andrea decided that it was her turn to stay with us.  She was amazing.  She took it upon herself to not only help take care of Evan, but she took care of me as well.  I am forever in debt to her everyone else who was able to be there, for taking the time to make sure we were taken care of.  I decided that since Evan was in good hands (Daddy's AND Aunt Andrea's), that it would be a good idea for me to take a shower and get the rest of the sticky adhesive residue from my trip to the ER off my skin before it gave me a rash.  It was lovely.  The steam even helped to clear my lungs a bit. 

     After my shower, Andrea suggested we play "photo shoot" with Evan so we could finally get some pictures up on Facebook for everyone to see. After she took a few, I decided that it would be nice to wash Evan up a little first so he would look his handsomest.  While we were giving him his little washcloth bath, I began feeling a little light-headed and I started having shortness of breath again.  My legs were really weak and I started to feel a bit funny. It was kind of weird because I have never passed out before, but it kind of felt like I was going to. Andrea finished getting Evan all dressed and I went to the living room to sit down.  

     After sitting down for a while, my breathing began getting worse and I started to cough. All of a sudden I began coughing up orange goo.  It was awful.  I had no idea what was going on.  At first I thought I was just panicking and hyperventilating.  I asked Andrea to look up online what to do if you hyperventilate.  She called my mom to see if she knew what to do.  I began coughing harder and I really couldn't catch my breath.  I was terrified.  I told Aaron that we needed to call 911 because something was seriously wrong.  I told the paramedics all about what had been going on so they knew about my hospital stay and what the doctors had thought was going on.  They checked my blood pressure and listened to my lungs.  My BP was 200ish over120ish and they said that my lungs sounded "wet".  They checked my oxygen level, it was 85%.  Normally, it should be above 95%.  They started me on oxygen immediately.  At this point I was still panicking, but Shelly, the lady paramedic, was very sweet and was helping me try to calm down.  They put me in the ambulance and Aaron rode in the front.  Andrea told my mom what was going on and she took Evan and hopped in her car.  Thank God she was there that day.  Shelly, put an IV in and we drove to Sparrow Hospital  Halfway there, my oxygen level started to go down.  Shelly said that it would be a good idea to put the oxygen mask on instead of the one that was up my nose.  I was so scared.  When we got to the ER, my dad was there waiting for us and my mom was on her way.  Andrea would be there shortly with Evan. 

  I was taken to a room while Aaron gave the intake person all of my information.  I was scared.  There were nurses and technicians all over the place poking and prodding me and hooking me up to all kinds of machines.  They told me to be still and not move, but because I was still coughing stuff up, it was really hard.  I didn't want to be left by myself, so Shelly waited with me until Aaron was able to be with me.  They took at least 10 vials of blood and then had to have a specialist come and take blood from an artery to get a better read on my oxygen levels.  It was pretty painful.  I was still having fairly labored breathing.  They moved me to a trauma room, they said it was because of all of my visitors.  I knew it was because the doctors were the ones who needed more room to move around.  I know it was really because they were thinking they would need to put me on a ventilator.  I was just praying they didn't need to do that. I was so scared.   I kept asking if they were going to crack open my chest.  Dr. Castle, one of the trauma docs, jokingly said "No, that gets too messy."  He was very kind and kept reassuring me that everything was ok and they just needed to figure out what was going on with me.

     Let me take you back to a few days before.  Evan was a bit jaundiced when Clarice, one of our midwives visited us for Evan's 2 day check-up.  She suggested we put him in the sun as much as possible, but took his blood to be checked anyway.  Before we moved to the trauma room, Aaron got a phone call from Clarice.  Evan's Billy Reuben was 21, which was way too high.  He would need photo therapy and would have to be admitted to the hospital.  Aaron explained that we were already there for me.  She called and made all the arrangements.  My mom and dad stayed with me while Aaron and Andrea went upstairs to the Pediatric Unit to have Evan admitted.   

     They did an Echo cardiogram and an EKG.  They didn't like what they saw and immediately started me on medication and hooked me up to a different kind of oxygen mask.  Many people call it the Darth Vader mask, but in reality it is called a C-Pap.  It is basically pressurized oxygen that is FORCED into your body.  It helped bring my oxygen level up, but all it really did was make my mouth and throat dry.  I was so thirsty, but for some reason they wouldn't let me have anything to drink.  I didn't know why.     My dad is diabetic and hadn't had dinner yet.  My sister Angie was able to come and sit with me so my mom and dad could get something to eat.  I was hooked up to monitors and IVs and  then they put in a catheter.  I was scared.  I still didn't know what was going on.  I felt bad for Aaron.  He had to be with Evan and I wanted him to be with me.  He had to divide his time between us and we were on opposite ends of the hospital.  I wanted to go home.  I wanted to be with Evan.  I was leaking breast milk and needed to nurse or pump. There were so many different doctors coming in and out and talking to me and asking me questions but they weren't telling me anything. I still had no idea what was wrong with me...

Why can't I Breathe?

      Evan was born on a Saturday, and by Monday I was physically and emotionally exhausted.  I hadn't slept at all.  Evan wasn't fond of his bed and only slept when we held him. So it was extremely hard to sleep when we couldn't even lay him down. He was also having a hard time latching which made breastfeeding quite difficult.  He cried so hard when he was hungry but he just couldn't quite get the hang of eating.  We decided to use an eye dropper and milk that I had pumped so we could make sure he was eating something.  And that way my husband Aaron could help feed him too. We had lots of visitors when we came home.  They made sure we were fed and were resting.  I was so excited when my younger sister Andrea came back from Jamaica and was finally able to meet Evan.  It was nice to have people come visit and help keep us company.  I must admit I was a bit nervous about taking care of Evan.  I was unsure if I could actually take care of him right, even though I had spent the majority of my life taking care of other people's children.

     At about 11 o'clock Monday evening, I began having trouble breathing.  I thought I was having some sort of panic attack. I was sure it was some sort of postpartum mood disorder.  I was scared.  And the more scared I got, the worse my breathing was.  I couldn't catch my breath and every time I exhaled, I heard a wheeze.  It felt like someone was standing on my chest and I just couldn't breathe in deep enough.  I was starting to sweat and began panicking even more.  I was panting and really struggling to catch my breath.  I thought my airway was closing.  I was terrified that I would die and leave Aaron a single dad with a newborn.  I was praying that didn't happen.  I decided that it might be a good idea to call 911.  When the paramedics came Aaron was feeding Evan and trying not to freak out too much, even though I know he was just as scared as I was.  The paramedics checked my blood pressure and it was sky high.  They listened to my lungs and said they sounded fine, but I could still hear my wheeze and it made me nervous.  After they had been there for a few minutes, my breathing began to regulate and it became easier to breathe.  I decided not to go with them in the ambulance to the hospital so they left. 

     In the mean time Aaron had called my mom and dad to let them know what was going on. When they arrived I was still a bit scared and quite shook up from the whole ordeal.  My mom said that I should probably get checked out, so we got all packed up and headed to the Emergency Room.  We decided to go to the one that was closest instead of the one that would have be the best.  I nursed Evan for a little bit while we waited and he fell asleep.  They admitted me and hooked me up to an IV and took some blood.  The doctor was concerned that I may have developed a blood clot in my lungs since I had just had a baby.  They did an EKG and after a while they did a chest x-ray and a CT scan of my chest.  They gave me a breathing treatment that seemed to help but made me gag.  After a very long and sleepless night, the doctor told me that I had patchy spots in my lungs that may be pneumonia but that I needed to go see my regular doctor for a follow-up and to give me a prescription for an antibiotic.  I was discharged at 7 am  I found out later that when you are admitted to a hospital, you can't see your primary care physician the same day that you are discharged from the hospital...stupid insurance!  So I had to wait until the next day,Wednesday, to see my doctor.

     Tuesday, the day that I was discharged, I tried to sleep with absolutely no luck.  My mom stayed with us to help take care of Evan so that Aaron and I could sleep.  Every time I laid down or even tried to doze off, I felt like I was going to stop breathing.  When I closed my eyes and laid down, I would hear my wheeze and start to panic.  My mom and I had a long talk about how I was feeling.  We were both thinking that I was suffering from anxiety and panic attacks due to having a baby.  I was even more convinced of this when I would feed Evan.  It seemed that every time I picked him up and put him to my chest to nurse him, I would have trouble breathing.  It got so bad that I would pass him off to someone else to feed with the eyedropper.  I felt guilty, but I physically couldn't feed him.  I felt terrible and I cried a lot because I just couldn't breathe no matter what I did.

     After continuing to struggle with my breathing, I decided that I needed to do something to help.  So in the wee hours of the morning, Aaron and I made our way back to the emergency room to see if there was something they could do for me.  By the time I arrived, I was really having a hard time.  I explained to the receptionist what was going on.  She was extremely upset that the doctors hadn't prescribed me something to help.  A few minutes later an intern came out and explained that they couldn't do anything for me without admitting me.  I was in no mood to be re-admitted so I told him that I just needed a prescription or a breathing treatment and that it was ridiculous that they didn't give me anything when I was there before.  He came back a few minutes later with a prescription for an inhaler.  We had to drive to the other side of town to get it filled and by the time we got home the sun was coming up.  Thank God for my mom.  She is amazing and I am so glad that she was there to take care of Evan while we were going through our little ordeal.

     I went to my doctor on Wednesday and she did a few things to reassure me that I was going to be OK.  She told me to lay down and relax and try to rest while she monitored my breathing and my oxygen level.  She had me lay both on my back and my side, and everything seemed to be going well.  My oxygen was were it was supposed to be and my blood pressure was in my normal range.  She listened to my lungs and said that they did sound heavy (possibly due to pneumonia)  and wrote me a prescription for an antibiotic.  She said that she wanted to see me again on Friday.  I went home and ate a little bit and I think I maybe even took a nap.  Everyone thought that I would be alright. I had no idea there was something menacing going on inside my body...